Sometimes (okay, all the time) the U.S. Patent Office seems to be run by a herd of mountain gorillas selectively bred for complicity over thousands of millenia. Observe, the patent for swinging sideways on a swing, granted on the 9th of April 2002.

Lastly, it should be noted that because pulling alternately on one chain and then the other resembles in some measure the movements one would use to swing from vines in a dense jungle forest, the swinging method of the present invention may be referred to by the present inventor and his sister as "Tarzan" swinging. The user may even choose to produce a Tarzan-type yell while swinging in the manner described, which more accurately replicates swinging on vines in a dense jungle forest. Actual jungle forestry is not required.

The patent office has decided to put this patent under review, more than a year later. I can understand why mountain gorillas would choose to reward such research, but are you reading this, Western World? Still feel comfortable mindlessly aping (pun intended) US copyright and “Intellectual Property” laws? I don’t think there’s anything more I can say.